Women in Mid-life and the Biology of Grief Part 3
Before we get into specifics on nourishing a grief-stressed body, a reminder that none of what follows is a prescription, or a tidy plan. Grief fluctuates, and with it, your capacity. The goal here isn’t optimization – it’s having a few anchors to return to when you have the bandwidth, and permission to let them go when you don’t.
That said, here’s what the research actually supports:
Protein is more important than you might think right now
When appetite is low – which is common in grief – protein is often the first thing to get left out. It’s easier to grab a handful of nuts or an apple and call it good. But adequate protein is foundational for two things that matter enormously right now: satiety and muscle mass preservation. Grief is already a catabolic state – the body under prolonged stress can begin breaking down muscle tissue for energy. Prioritizing protein helps counteract that process.
Protein also provides the amino acids your body needs to produce neurotransmitters. Tryptophan, in particular, is the precursor to serotonin — your mood-stabilizing, sleep-supporting neurotransmitter. If you're not eating enough tryptophan-rich foods (turkey, eggs, dairy, oats, bananas, pumpkin seeds), your brain has less raw material to work with at exactly the moment it needs serotonin most.
Dietary fats and amino acids together also support what I call hormone health synchrony – the cooperative relationship between estrogen and oxytocin that we talked about in Part 2. Both hormones depend on adequate nutritional building blocks. Long story short: the grieving process is not the time for a low-fat diet.
The Green Mediterranean approach
If I had to point to one eating framework that does the most work for the most things happening in grief and perimenopause simultaneously, it would be the Green Mediterranean style of eating — an evolution of the traditional Mediterranean diet with an even stronger emphasis on plant foods, particularly dark leafy greens, walnuts, and green tea. Research has found that this pattern is associated with lower stress hormone levels, reduced inflammation, improved mood, and better hormonal balance.
So IRL, what does this look like? Think abundant colorful veggies and fruits, legumes, whole grains, olive oil, fatty fish, nuts/seeds, herbs and spices – while limiting ultra-processed foods, refined sugars, and processed meats.
“Eat the rainbow” is not just a cliche! Deeply colored veggies and fruits – like berries, dark leafy greens, beets, purple cabbage, orange sweet potatoes – are among the richest sources of polyphenols and antioxidants, which have significant anti-inflammatory and mood-supportive effects.
I love the Green Mediterranean style of eating. It’s flexible, it’s forgiving, and there’s no tracking or restricting (so important for those days when everything feels hard).
Cortisol recovery: specific nutrients that help
Given what we know about cortisol dysregulation in both grief and perimenopause, there are a few targeted nutrients worth highlighting:
Vitamin C – associated with faster cortisol recovery after an acute stress event, and supports HPA axis regulation. Find it in citrus, bell peppers (especially the red ones), kiwi, strawberries, and broccoli; consider supplementing if dietary intake is inconsistent.
Omega-3 fatty acids – from fatty fish (salmon, sardines, mackerel), walnuts, and flaxseed – support cortisol recovery, reduce systemic inflammation, and have well-documented mood-supportive effects. If you’re not eating fatty fish at least twice a week, a quality fish oil supplement is worth considering.
Boron is a lesser-known mineral associated with cortisol recovery and hormone regulation. It supports estrogen metabolism and has been found to reduce inflammatory markers. Find it in prunes, raisins, dried apricots, avocado, and almonds. It’s one of those quiet nutritional workhorses that rarely gets mentioned but probably should.
Dates and Vitamin C together are worth a specific mention: one study found that consumption of dates may support oxytocin levels, and combined with Vitamin C, may further enhance that benefit. Given what we know about oxytocin’s role in grief and connection, this is a low-barrier combo to add to your day.
Supporting mood and reducing neuroinflammation
Grief is pro-inflammatory, and inflammation worsens mood, disrupts sleep, impairs cognition, and increases vulnerability to prolonged grief. Fortunately, targeted nutrition can help to interrupt this cycle.
Focus on anti-inflammatory nutrients, including:
Polyphenols – found abundantly in green tea, chamomile, berries, dark chocolate, olive oil, and quercetin-rich foods like onions, apples, and capers — have direct anti-inflammatory and neuroprotective effects. Green tea in particular is worth highlighting: it contains L-theanine, an amino acid that promotes calm alertness and supports GABA activity. So a cup of green tea is more than just comforting.
• Curcumin – the active compound in turmeric, has meaningful research support for reducing neuroinflammation and improving depressive symptoms. The catch: it's poorly bioavailable on its own. Pair it with black pepper (which contains piperine, dramatically increasing absorption) and a fat source. Golden milk, turmeric roasted vegetables with olive oil, or a quality curcumin supplement with piperine are all good options.
• Short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs) are produced when gut bacteria ferment dietary fiber, and are increasingly recognized for their role in mood regulation, inflammation reduction, and gut-brain communication. How to encourage SCFA production? Eat more fiber! Legumes, oats, barley, root veggies, onions, garlic, leeks, and under-ripe bananas are all good sources of the prebiotic fiber that feeds SCFA-producing bacteria.
Support your gut microbiome:
The gut-brain axis – that bidirectional communication network between your digestive system and your brain – is significantly impacted by both grief and the hormonal shifts of perimenopause. A diverse microbiome supports mood, reduces inflammation, and helps regulate the stress response – but under chronic stress, that diversity is threatened. Support a more resilient gut with:
Prebiotic fiber. Foods like garlic, onions, leeks, asparagus, oats, and Jerusalem artichokes feed the beneficial bacteria that a healthy gut thrives on.
Fermented foods. These probiotic-rich foods help bolster microbiome resilience under stress. Think kefir, kimchi, sauerkraut, miso, tempeh, and yogurt with live cultures – Lactobacillus strains in particular have documented support for mood and reducing anxiety.
Tap into your nervous system’s natural calm:
GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) is the brain’s primary inhibitory neurotransmitter – it’s kind of the nervous system’s built-in braking system. It promotes calm, reduces anxiety, supports sleep, and counteracts the excitatory noise of a grief-stressed brain. During perimenopause, GABA activity naturally declines alongside progesterone – and grief can compound this further.
Supporting GABA production nutritionally requires adequate zinc (found in pumpkin seeds, beef, chickpeas, cashews), B vitamins (especially B6, found in poultry, meat, and seafood), and a diet rich in plant foods generally. Some foods also contain GABA directly — fermented foods, sprouted grains, tomatoes, and cruciferous vegetables — and while dietary GABA doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier easily, these foods support the broader neural environment in which GABA functions.
Beyond the plate
We’ve talked about oxytocin’s role in grief and connection, and how to support these systems nutritionally. There are also behavior and lifestyle practices to help support hormone and nervous system regulation in both the grieving process and through the menopause transition. Things to focus on:
Social connection – even when it’s the last thing you feel like – is one of the most powerful oxytocin triggers we know of. This doesn't mean performing okay-ness for other people. It means genuine contact with someone who feels safe: a real conversation, a meal shared, even a text thread that doesn't require you to pretend to have it together.
Touch — human or animal — reliably elevates oxytocin. A hug that lasts more than a few seconds, or a comforting hand on your shoulder. Your dog leaning against your leg, or your cat sitting right on your desk, chasing the pen you’re trying to write thank-you notes with. These are not small things – they’re powerful biological interventions.
Don’t forget movement. Moderate exercise supports oxytocin release, reduces inflammatory markers, and helps regulate cortisol rhythm.
Support vagal tone
The vagus nerve – the longest cranial nerve in the body, running from your brainstem to your abdomen – is the primary pathway of the parasympathetic nervous system (your rest-and-digest system). Spending more time in a parasympathetic state can help with stress recovery, inflammation regulation, and improving gut-brain communication. Grief, chronic stress, and hormonal dysregulation all tend to reduce vagal tone – but here are a few ways to actively cultivate better vagal tone:
Deep, slow breathing – particularly extending the exhale longer than the inhale. Even five minutes changes measurable markers of vagal activity.
Humming, singing, or chanting — the vagus nerve innervates the vocal cords; vibration from these activities directly stimulates it.
Massage – both receiving and giving touch stimulates vagal pathways.
Cold water exposure — splashing cold water on your face or ending a shower with cold water (if you’re made of stronger stuff than I am!) activates the diving reflex and stimulates the vagus nerve.
Wearable vagus nerve stimulators — devices that deliver gentle electrical stimulation to the vagus nerve via the ear or neck — are an emerging option with growing research support.
Bonus: Elevated GABA levels in cerebrospinal fluid and increased GABA receptor activity have also been associated with vagus nerve stimulation — which means these practices are doing double duty: supporting both your stress response and your neurochemical calm simultaneously.
Sleep (it’s non-negotiable)
I want to mention sleep explicitly, because everything we’ve discussed in this series – cortisol regulation, mood, inflammation, gut health, hormone balance – is made meaningfully worse by inadequate or disrupted sleep. And grief, as many of you know firsthand, can dramatically change your sleep patterns.
A few things that can help sleep generally: Magnesium glycinate, consistent bed- and wake-times (even when sleep feels impossible), limiting screen exposure in the hour before bed, and keeping your sleep environment cool.
And most importantly …
Allow me to close with something that matters more than any of the above – and that I worry can get lost when we turn grief into another wellness protocol.
Grieving is not linear. There is a lot of ground between Okay and Not Okay, and the path through it rarely runs in a straight line. What feels doable today may feel impossible next Tuesday – because certain days can arrive loaded with memory and meaning, and still have the power to upend sleep, mood, and appetite in ways that catch you off guard, even when you thought you were past all that.
None of this means you’re ‘doing grief wrong’. (Sharing this because I definitely experienced some judgement – from myself and others – as I was struggling through grief that didn’t fit a timeline that society deemed ‘appropriate’.)
For practitioners working with clients who are navigating loss: before any conversation about food or supplements or lifestyle, it matters enormously to validate the grief itself. To acknowledge that the pain is real, and that it is unique to this person, in this body, with this history. This may open the door to exploring family traditions and relationships with food — because food is never just food, and especially not in loss. This is what it means to be a partner in small, meaningful acts of self-nurturance, rather than simply the architect of a food plan.
And if you’re reading this as someone in the middle of the grieving process: please know that seeking support — from a therapist, a grief counselor, a functional nutritionist, a trusted friend, a support group, or all of the above — is a sign that you understand the weight of what you're carrying, and that you're willing to let someone help you carry it.
Grief is a whole-body stressor. In the menopause transition, grief – both from internal and external events - leaves a biological imprint. Nutrition as part of a therapeutic relationship can play an important part in helping us find a path toward resilience and healing.
I started writing this series because I needed to understand what was happening in my own body. I’m wrapping it up still somewhere in the long journey – not “fixed”, not “over it”, but more equipped than I was. And a little less alone in it for having shared it with you.
Be kind out there, to yourself and others – we never know what invisible struggles people may be facing.
About The Author
Stephanie Thompson is a New Orleans-based functional nutrition specialist who specializes in helping people alleviate frustrating (often mysterious) health symptoms with dietary guidance, targeted nutrients, and lifestyle modifications. She digs deep into the biochemical pathways and interconnected organ systems to find the root causes of her clients' issues for specific and sustainable relief!
Enjoy this article? Feel free to share!